| Hair

“Natural Hair” Frustrations

Hey guys!

I get so many comments from women who are frustrated, tired of styling, or at a crossroad with their natural hair. So I wanted to give some encouragement to those who may be feeling overwhelmed!

First of all, it’s natural (no pun intended), to feel frustrated or overwhelmed with your natural hair! Especially if you’ve been relaxed your entire life! Very rarely do you jump into something brand new, and know 100% what to do upon your first try.

No, it takes many attempts before you can master anything in life! So if you’re newly natural, take comfort that you’re getting all your hard-knocks out in the beginning, so that you will have smooth sailing later on. It’s inevitable; it must happen! There will always be a learning curve that needs to be conquered, so embrace it as a required step in ultimately mastering your hair.

I didn’t know what to do right away! It took me about two years to finally feel like I’ve totally mastered my hair: what it needs, likes, and how to control it. The first two years of my journey were definitely trial-and-error! Many days of leaving the house with hairstyles that I thought were cute, only to get to my destination and think “Girl!? What the HECK were you thinking when you tucked THAT piece into THERE!?” Yes! Many, many embarrassing moments! But like with everything else, it’s a learning experience of what not to do, so you can eventually learn what to do!

If you’re frustrated, don’t sulk or rip your hair out, just find a nice protective style to put it in for a while so you can have a well-deserved break. We all get tired! It doesn’t mean you’ve failed or your hair is “uncontrollable.” It just means you need a break, time to gather your thoughts so you can try again with a fresh mind and rested hands.

Kinky twists, or braids are great styles that can last you an entire month if you protect them at night! That’s a month of rest, relaxation, and time to recoup! And what’s best is that they look cute too! So you’re letting your hair grow stress-free, getting some rest, and you’ve got a cute style that you can be proud of!

Another question I receive is “Don’t you ever have the urge to straighten your hair?”

I don’t really have the desire to straighten, as much as I have the desire to see length and feel the weight of my hair. Not sure why, but the feeling of your hair whipping in the wind, or falling over your shoulder just feels so good sometimes!

But there are many ways to satisfy this urge without straightening your hair! When I feel this urge, I head straight for my mini twists! I LOVE mini twists because you get the movement, length, and weight to satisfy any “long hair” urges; you also get a much-deserved break! And after wearing them for a month, you actually get sick of them and yearn for your big puffy hair back! So it’s win-win!

There are so many ways to get around that frustration with your hair. It’s not a fad, not a style, not a trend… it’s your hair! There’s no way it can ever fail you or go out of style, it just takes a while to get used to it and get over that initial learning curve.

Stick with it, a learning curve sometimes takes years! I’m pretty sure the first girl to get a relaxer didn’t just chop all her hair off because she didn’t know how to maintain it. No, she friggin’ wanted that relaxer baby! So she stuck with it, figured out how to wrap it at night, oil her scalp, and learned the hard way that you can’t walk outside in the rain. Why? Because she liked how her hair looked and was DETERMINED to make it work no matter how long it took to figure out.

And decades later, here we are! Most relaxed women know pretty darn well that they need to invest in a satin scarf, wrap it at night, and avoid the rain! But that took some time to figure out, and so will your own personal natural hair routine… but the outcome is definitely worth the learning curve, so stick with it.

Here’s a video I created back in the day of some natural hairstyles to help inspire you to see just how many options you have when styling! You are Degas and your hair is clay, so go make a friggin’ masterpiece already!

XoXo Nap



Reader Comments

You are SOOOO right about needing a break sometimes. I've been up and down on this rollercoaster of a hair journey, and I've had some setbacks (i.e. ATTEMPTING to relax after a year no relaxer. Yep….#failure. My hair resisted that relaxer with all that it is, though there are some straight-ish portions). Since I have no desire to touch my hair right now, I've spent the last 3 days doing mini twists….and they'll be here for a while, lol.

Great post…made me laugh. I did kinky twists and after three weeks, i was dying to have my hair back. took them out exdactly one month from the day i put them in. my problem is making protective styling look good…i rarely get compliments when my hair is protected, but i almost always get compliments when my hair is out in a fro…just something i need to master. thanks again

I sooo emailed this post to my sister! We were just talking the other day about her frustration with her hair. She bc'd because of heat damage, and now that her hair has some serious length, she just doesn't know what to do or where to go. She's even considered chopping again just for the sake of easy styling.

I think this will help her see that it's ok to be frustrated with her hair. We all have those days. 😉

I am so there right now with the frustration. I have a 3 inch TWA and I feel the styling options are so limited. Plus the negative comments from those who see me set up my products to make the shea butter mix and leave-in conditioner make me wonder whether it is all worth it. 2 weeks ago I decided to do more protective styling and I must say I see the difference. My hair stays moisturized longer, I spend less time detangling and it's more manageable. And best of all I am not in my hair every day trying to make it look decent 🙂

This is great and encouraging! Thank you for sharing. I appreciate it when people are transparent and use their experiences to help others!

Naptural, Girl, I am there! I have been natural since '95. I was braided & Sengalese Twisted until '99 and then decided to the rock the hair I knew I was born to wear, locs. So, here it is 2011 and I have been loc free since June 2011. Love my hair and my kinks, curls & movement but I find myself getting overwhelmed with styling. Your videos have been a big help along with many other of the wonderful natural sistahs on youtube but I grow weary!

Wonderful post Whitney! I was just thinking this today. My hair was cooperating and has been acting a bit strange this week. Not at the point of thinking of giving up on my natural hair but it's been frustrating. Hey, I guess I haven't gotten it all figured out yet but I am free to take those breaks and give myself the time for more creativity.

Thanks for the great words. 😀

Just 3 weeks ago I "broke up" with my hair I got so frustrated with the "work" of it and I told my friend that I was going to wear a weave….then I discovered my "look" flat twists faux hawk and my hair and I made up! Just like that… My job limits the styles I can wear but reading reassuring words like those keep us all going thanks for sharing.

Thanks for the inspiration. I'm 7 months in and looking for something different besides my puff all the time. It gets fustrating at times, but I know that it will be well worth it in the end. I know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, I just have to be patient and go thru the trial and errors to see what will work or not!

Hey Whit…thanks so much for sharing my exact thoughts about my hair. My hair just does what it wants to do, it never comes out the same way twice, so I like it one day and the next day it just looks crazy lol!!!!. I am now getting enought length to put it in protective styles, but I want to learn how to flat twist and it still looks strange. On the other hand, I can't stop looking, touching, and being in total enchantment about my hair and this journey. I love the way it feels. I am about to put braids in it for the winter so I can think about other things besides my hair all the time. Thanks for sharing…it is so true that it is a learning curve, this let me know that there is hope.

okay I've been using Terressentials for nearly 6mos and it no longer cleanses my scalp 🙁
I looooooove this product but now Im getting a chalky buildup on my roots that I can't seem to get rid of. Maybe I'm not using enough…I dilute it, or maybe I need to leave it on longer not sure. I have tried using vinegar(diluted) to clarify but it did not work….at.all sigh. I did a mix of baking soda, vinegar, and a squirt of lime juice it worked but I'm worried about it being damaging to my hair to use it every week. Plus I dislike having an extra step to my regiment….lazy I know but I'm wondering why the mudwash is no longer working or if it truly worked at all. I don't want to go back to regular shampoo(sulfate free or course) and conditioner, my hair responds as if its being hindered. Any suggestion would be lovely. thanx

I have watched most of your videos, I'm a courier and all the natural hair women I come into contact with I tell them about you! I have been natural for 2 years, and I was bored with it until someone posted your site on fb….I have learned so much and I'm going shopping tomorrow to make my conditioner, gel , thick stuff, and smooth stuff for my hair. You need to be on Oprah! You are such in inspiration. Keep up the videos.

I did my big chop January 10, 2013. Two years later, I still fill my hair has not grown. It went from 2 inches to now 6-7 inches. Seems like it should be longer (8-10 inches).

I was a product junkie until about 3 months ago. I got tired and just make sure I prepoo, wash and deep condition my hair at least once a week. I do not do protective styling the way I want because it is not long enough and I still have a shrinkage problem I keep it moisture every other day and twist my hair every night. On weekends, I keep it up.

So I look at all the beautiful women and they have the thick, long hair I want. Some got it in two years so I say to myself, what is going on? I swear, I following every rule. Yes, frustrated, patience and I am wondering.

I need encouragement.


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